I don’t know where you started to go wrong. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, I say. My voice keeps rising and I try to wrestle her up. Ma, just leave me alone, her voice breaks. I sit her up and ask firmly, I said what’s all this? She shakes off my grip as if she can’t be bothered and rolls over. Good god, what’s all this? I raise my voice. Scratches on her nose that look like nail marks, and her shoulders and upper arms are swollen red. There’s a bruise extending down from her temple. I’m about to walk away when something catches my eye and startles me. She sometimes stumbles home after sunrise, pale as a ghost. My daughter, who was nodding off on the sofa, looks up at me. I make sure the girl is out of the house before I bring up the subject. Is something going on? A few mornings later, I manage this much cautiously, nervously. If they offered me a jaw-dropping amount of money and demanded that I accepted them, how should I react? Money alone can’t balance this matter, I know, but I can’t stop thinking about money. The conditions of qualification are continuously renewed, and I don’t have the ability or energy to keep up with it. There was a time when I held that right just by virtue of having brought her into the world.
The way things are now, I don’t have the right to do that. I could pressure her to tell me what’s going on and dispense warnings and advice with a stern face. If I could pay off the money my daughter owes and tell the girl to leave the house right now. If I could get my daughter a place on the condition that she breaks up with that girl. If I hadn’t taken the extra cash they gave me for tax and shared household expenses. If I hadn’t accepted the rent from the girls. I know that all of it was precipitated by money. The wording I decide on after many revisions is no stronger than this. Isn’t it time you started looking for a proper job? I sink into thought as I look down at the angry words my daughter or that girl wrote, or somebody wrote, and leave the room. The color is vivid, deep and red a fresh stamp. There is a large, square stamp by the university’s name. I fetch my reading glasses and peruse the first page. Petition to Withdraw Dismissal of Lecturers I put her light summer blanket and dirty clothes in the washer and tidy up her desk that’s a mess of books and documents.
With the excuse of cleaning the house, I open all the doors and windows, and go into my daughter’s room. One Sunday morning, my daughter leaves the house and the girl leaves, too, before noon. Maybe that’s why I’m being tortured with sights I’d rather not see forced upon me.
But I haven’t found any reason, cause, or mistake that led to this. Why me? Some might think that there’s a reason for it. The moment will come when things that ought to be hidden will be revealed and I will witness them. Looking directly at the things I only imagined and assumed, and seeing them for what they are. Things that might be far more awful and scarier than I am prepared for. Here’s what concerns me: moments and scenes that appear before my eyes without warning. I can’t say I’m not afraid of the things I’ll see while living with the girls. They spend the day in separate rooms, so why sleep in one bed at night? What more do they think they can do besides sleeping with their bare flesh touching? There are two rooms in the house besides mine. I struggle with the urge to wake them up immediately and separate them, and then carefully leave the room.
#Kim hye yoon i can hear your voice skin#
Skin on skin and breathing as one, they draw themselves together and end up looking like one body. My daughter’s calf is slipped between the girl’s legs. It is the nature of the self-evident to be poised to attack us at any moment. Things that I could believe so easily and naturally when I was oblivious extend claws and reveal their true colors when you really get to know them. If I tell myself that it isn’t true and pretend I don’t know, this will be easier for a while.
A misunderstanding between two girls who are still foolish and naive? A few days, a few months from now, it’ll be as if none of this has happened? I can take this sight before me, crumple it up, squash it into a tiny thing, and toss it far away.
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